Catching teardrops
by ferae naturae
Summary: To survive without her... A sequel to "The Beast Does Not Control Me"
1. Chapter 1

Catching Teardrops

By Katianna

Author's Note: This is a sequel to 'The beast does not control me' and will make little sense without reading that one first. Thanks go to Spud and Fluffybunnies for idea help, and being able to answer random questions whilst in the middle of something else! Thanks to Norah Jones for providing a better title for this fic! Apologies to Betas for mucking this up!

Pairing: I'm not going to tell you! Guess. You'll find out eventually.

Disclaimer: Mutant X and all other recognisable characters belong to Tribune Entertainment and the rest. I am making no money from this; I do it for fun, honest! The song just fits, it's I love you by Sarah Maclachlan.

__

Every time I'm close to you,

There's too much I can't say,

And you just walk away,

And I forgot to tell you I love you,

The night's too long

And cold here without you,

I grieve at my condition,

For I cannot find the words to say,

I need you so.

Sarah Maclachlan, I love you

A silent wraith she slipped from shadow to shadow, noiseless. As insubstantial as a ghost. Only the glint of her golden eyes betrayed her, but she kept them half closed, leaving only slender slivers in the dark alleyway.

There were six of them; she knew that, although there was no scent or movement yet. Two would be feral, like her, one would be molecular, although his particular power was unknown to her as of yet. Two would be human, strong and well trained, but still no match for her individually. And the last one, her final challenge. A fire elemental, the only mutant power that could instil true fear in her. The pure animalistic terror of the flame.

Two leather-clad figures stepped out of a side alley. One was feral and the other was the molecular. She watched as the molecular pushed his hand through the wall nearest to him; showing off his powers as the molecules of the wall shifted under his touch as though dreading contact. The feral's eyes glowed, temporarily matching her own. An unspoken challenge.

She dropped into a fighting stance, preparing for the attack. The feral moved first, but a solid kick to his chest and a high, inhuman jump-kick floored him temporarily. A quick hand gesture from the molecular flung Shalimar into the hard brick wall behind her, but she landed on her feet, already crouched and prepared for her next move. Launching herself to one side she dodged the next sweep of his hand and was able to turn quickly and come back at him from the other side before he'd had a chance to turn towards her. A blow to the back of his neck as he bent to protect his stomach floored her second opponent.

Even as he went down she could see two more emerging from the same alleyway. The second feral and a human this time. The human dropped almost immediately to a blow that threw his head back and sent him flying to the floor, his shock-stick falling unused from his limp hand. The first feral was, by this time back on his feet and joined the second feral. Now she was up against two ferals, both with more height and weight than she had.

She matched them both blow for blow as they fought, every movement smooth and calculated, as though by some secondary force within her. She surrendered herself completely to the movement, not giving or taking until she saw her opening. She dropped into a crouch just as she saw both ferals swing; one from each side, perfectly mirrored. Fists colliding, before they could retract their swings, with each other's faces.

An elbow to the human - who had just managed to right himself - returned him to the ground.

Trying to calm her breathing she watched as the two ferals righted themselves and moved forward to return to the fight, the molecular was also just about to join them. She breathed deeply, soothing her racing heart, preparing for the three-way attack. The rest of Mutant X couldn't help her here, It was just her and them.

The feral on her right moved first, stepping forward into striking range. The molecular moved up behind him and the second feral moved so that he was stood behind her, a constant threat. The first feral moved quickly, almost pushing her back into the second as she dodged the blow. She responded by dropping to the ground and flooring both ferals with a wide sweep of her foot. Both caught themselves and were back on their feet almost immediately, but it had had the required effect. Both were now fuming and no longer playing with her. More aggressive with their moves they left themselves open to hers. The feral behind her was on the floor quickly; the first was proving to be a bit harder to beat. Blows flying left right and centre Shalimar didn't have enough attention to spare for the voice that broke into the fight.

"Shalimar!" With her focus lost a kick escaped her notice, taking her legs from under her and causing her to land hard on the asphalt. The molecular saw this and helped the floored feral to his feet as they began to circle her. She pulled herself off the floor and into a crouch, growling softly as they advanced. As the nearest feral moved closer she pounced, every single ounce of power she had going into that jump.

What she didn't expect was that - seconds away from contact - he would disappear, along with the others and the alleyway itself, to be replaced by Sanctuary's dojo. Unable to retract her jump and too late to twist away, Shalimar contacted hard with one wooden wall.

Groaning slightly she looked down to find the source of the voice who had called her name and found Adam at the dojo's controls. "You did that on purpose!" Adam couldn't help but laugh at his feral, slightly ruffled, very hot and holding one shoulder where she had impacted with the dojo's wall.

"No, I didn't, and I'm sorry you got yourself hurt, but you mustn't commit yourself so fully to such dangerous moves unless you're sure they'll connect. Your opponent had enough time to move out of the way and you would have had the same problem." Nodding, she conceded the point. She had been angry that she'd allowed herself to be distracted and had not stopped to think out her moves.

"What did you distract me for?"

"There's a call for you. A young feral, dark hair"

"Onca!" Shalimar shouted, jumping past Adam and running up the steps to the monitor on the balcony. Throwing herself into the computer seat she opened up the incoming call and smiled as her friend's face appeared on the screen.

"Hey Shalimar." She grinned. "Dus, oh mighty leader of mine, asked if I'd contact you."

"What's up?"

"We're having a party, for someone to take leadership. Hopefully people will vote sensibly and Dus will step up to take leader place. Thought you might want to come along for the party."

"Cool, a party! I'll have to ask Adam though; he hasn't been letting me out much. The eyes are a bit of a giveaway if anyone wanted to start trouble."

"I know, I can see them from here. Is there still much of the virus in you?"

"According to Adam, not enough to keep my eyes feral. He's worried it might be a permanent side affect to being infected twice."

"I'm so sorry Shal."

"Hey, it's not your fault. But is there anyone going to be there that would have a problem with it?"

"We're a feral Pack trying to find a new leader after the death of our first in a feral epidemic. You think we're inviting just anyone? The Pack want you here Shal. There are people here who never got to thank you for what you did for us. Look, I have to go, come if you can. I'll send you directions." And with that the message screen blinked out and an information transfer box appeared.

"The Lion's Paw." She read from the address. "Nice."

Shalimar parked her bike as close to the front door of the club as she could; wanting to get inside without anyone seeing her eyes in the bright orange form that they had been in since she had been re-infected by the feral virus. A large feral stopped her at the door.

"Sorry Ma'am, there's a private party on today. The club is shut. We'll be open for normal business tomorrow evening." Shalimar smiled at him, lifting the softly tinted glasses she was wearing that had masked the colour of her eyes while she was riding her bike.

"I was invited by Onca." She added, just in case he hadn't got the idea. The large man smiled.

"Of course, my apologies. Go right through."

Shalimar walked through the short corridor towards the source of soft music she could hear in the distance. Suddenly she stepped into a huge cavern of a room and the music was amplified until it vibrated through her ribs. Grinning at the effect she stepped backward into the hallway and the music was once again soft and in the distance. Stepping into the crowds in the big hall she looked around for anyone she knew. She could feel the ripples her exposed feral eyes caused and hoped Onca was right when she said no one would take offence.

A hand on her shoulder made her jump as she span around, coming face to face with Fel, one of the women of the Pack who had helped with the extraction from enemy territory when they had been trapped. Happy to see a familiar face Shalimar was quickly relaxed in the crowded club.

"Hey girl, how's life been treating you?" Fel shouted over the music.

"I'll be happier when my eyes are brown again."

"Don't worry about it. You're not going to be the only one for this evening." Fel pointed out two men and a woman who had eyes the same yellow-orange colour that graced Shalimar's eyes. "Some of them have learned to hold it without the adrenaline rush. They think it's 'cool'." Fel led her out of the crowd and through a pair of double doors labelled 'private'. Entering a second room that looked like a large storeroom Shalimar spotted Dus and his wife Brice with a young child.

"Dus." Fel called. "Your honoured guest is here. I thought Onca was meant to meet her?"

"Oh, Shalimar. You're here." Dus took Shalimar into an embrace, his large form almost hiding hers. "It's good to see you OK. How are you? Onca said you were OK, but she was worried that your eyes might be permanent. Anyway, it shouldn't"

"Dus, be quiet a moment!" Brice interrupted the stream of distacted words from her husband. "Ignore him, he's nervous." She told Shalimar. "How are you dear?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Onca is around somewhere. She was helping set up, so she's only just got around to getting herself done up." A small hand pulled Shalimar's attention downwards.

"You're like us. Why aren't you part of our pack?" A small voice asked her. The voice belonged to a blond girl of about six with a thin face and hair in long pigtails.

"Shalimar, this is my daughter, Kitten." Brice introduced them. "Her true name is Cathryn, but you can't expect a nickname like that not to appear living with a pack of ferals."

"Nice to meet you Kitten." Even as she spoke, a chime rang out around the whole building drowning out her voice. When the resonance faded away Brice looked up.

"I hope Onca's out there already or she's going to miss her own speech." And with that she headed out into the main room again where the music had been turned right down so it was nothing but a quiet hum in the background.

"Tonight we would choose a new leader." Onca's voice seemed to come from nowhere. "Decisions must be made, and everyone here has a chance to lead us tonight. Your votes will decide all of our futures and we would ask you to choose wisely." Finally Shalimar pinpointed the small stage in one corner that held her friend. "But this is not our only matter today. We would offer a place in our family to Cane, as his family were lost in protection of our own. We are forever indebted to them and we can never repay that. Also, to the members of Mutant X we would offer our aid and the safety of our home if it should ever be of use to them. Many of us have had lives touched by the support of these people even before the illness and we are eternally grateful for the rescue from danger. To Shalimar, to whom the rescue came at a cost, we offer a place in our home, though her work with Mutant X would take ultimate precedence. What you did for us means more than you know." Shalimar blushed as she felt the power of many eyes on her. This was unexpected, but not unpleasant. There was some great attraction to her in living with a pack. To truly belong and not have to worry about Mutant X, her friends and responsibilities. To be with her own. As the bussle of the crowd moved towards several tables set up around the room, Shalimar stood thinking of her future and the future she had been offered with these people. She didn't notice Cane walking up to her in the crowd until he was stood in front of her.

"Hey, lil' lady. How are you?" She grimaced at the greeting.

"I'm _really_ not that small." She objected. "You're just tall."

"Yeah, well, the question still stands."

"The virus is nearly out of my system. I'm me again."

"That ain't what I asked."

"I'm good. A little bored, but good."

"Girl, you're gonna be bored every minute you're not hung on to the edge with your fingernails. It's genetic." She laughed.

"Yeah, I suppose it is."

"So what you gonna do about this invite then? It's quite something to be invited into the Pack, or so I'm told. But you got people back home depending on you."

"I haven't thought it through yet. What are you going to do?"

"I got nowhere better to go, the only reason I didn't join the pack originally was Sara, and then Jamie. She wasn't as comfortable with that side of herself, she wasn't willing to join the Pack 'coz to her living like an animal in a pack was getting too close to accepting what she was."

"I'm sorry."

"You fought well that night, Shalimar. I couldn't have expected any better. There were too many of them for us to protect ourselves."

"I'm still sorry."

"Then I thank you." The loudspeakers turned back on as Onca re-emerged grinning widely.

"The people have spoken. Dus, you have carried out people through the death of our leader and watched over us here. The pack would see you as our next leader! Tomorrow you will lead us. Tonight we will party!" Applause erupted throughout the crowd and the music returned to its previous volume and a wave of calm passed into the room. It struck Shalimar then that in those few moments anyone could have been raised to leadership, anything could have happened to the pack and people were very happy to have Dus as their continued leader. Smiling softly she moved through the crowd to find the large man and congratulate him.

"Shalimar?" She turned from the bar as Onca appeared at her side, carrying the young Kitten, who looked half-asleep.

"Hey." She greeted.

"I have to take this little one to bed. I wanted to show you something."

"Sure." Standing, Shalimar followed the dark haired feral through the crowds of people and out of the room through another door labelled private. The corridor ended in a small room that seemed to have no doors out of it. Smiling at her confusion, Onca simply grinned at Shalimar and jumped upwards, landing on a small platform above her head. It was a jump only a feral could have made and a sensible safely feature she realised, following them quickly before she got left behind. They were now in a second corridor that led to another dead end with another jump to the next floor. The end of this corridor though, had a door at one end and another adjacent to it.

"Take your shoes off." Onca told her, doing the same with her own and leaving them in the small room that was to one side. Stepping through the other door, Shalimar found herself in a huge room. Flicking a lamp on from one of the four tables that stood in the corners of the room, Onca revealed a huge mattress that took up almost the whole room. It could easily hold the whole pack - which was what it was for, Shalimar realised as Kitten grabbed a pillow and a small blanket from the pile in one corner and curled up in the middle of the mattress. There were six doors around the room other than the one they had entered by. Seeing the direction of her gaze, Onca explained, "There are six other rooms, for privacy. Not everyone enjoys communal sleeping all of the time. There are more downstairs, for the disgraced or anyone who isn't pack. You've got one saved for you down there. I just thought you should see this. This is what I joined the pack for, the feeling of home."

Checking that Kitten was safe for the night, Onca turned off the light and headed out of the room. Grabbing their shoes they made their way back to the party. Stopping her friend before they stepped back out into the loud music, Shalimar spoke up. "Thanks, that meant a lot to me, all of this does."

"Hey, girl, we all want you with us, even if it is only when you can get time away from your team. Now let's get back to that party, before they start to miss us."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Emma, Brennan, Jesse, can you come out here please?" Adam didn't take his eyes off the computer screen until they had gathered at his side. "I have a young new mutant that's agreed to join the underground. There's no sign that the GSA have shown any interest in her yet, so it should be an easy pick-up. Then I want you to check out the Sampson road Safe-house, they've been complaining that there are some strangers hanging around, I want to know who it is and why they're there. Try not to reveal the safe-house though, if you can. Oh, and Shalimar's at this address, can you pick her up on your way out?"

Information given, Adam turned back to the computer.

"The Lion's Paw." Jesse read. "Shalimar went out to a club with her eyes like they are?"

"Actually they're not anymore. But I only found that out this morning when she rang." Adam replied absently.

"And the club?" Brennan asked.

"It was a feral thing."

"Well. That's just fine. Shalimar gets to party while we work our asses off." Brennan retorted.

"We went out last night, Brennan." Jesse pointed out.

"So?" Sighing at the now arguing boys of Mutant X, Emma headed towards the Double Helix, knowing they would catch up eventually.

They were shown into a huge warehouse of a room where a square of empty floor was surrounded by tables with chairs stacked upside down on top of them.

By night this was obviously a dance-floor, but by day it was used for other purposes. It was hard for them not to notice that the open dance floor was not completely empty. On it were two dancers. One had long dark hair restrained behind her with a long pin and wore dark trousers and a tight black T-shirt. The other was a blond whose hair curled loose about her shoulders and who was wearing a tank top and jean cut-offs. Neither seemed to pause as they went from movement to movement, barely touching in their fight.

It was beyond anything they had ever seen before. Hologram exercises and badly trained goons showed nothing of the pure power and agility contained in the feral body. Shalimar - for it was her - and her opponent barely seemed to break a sweat as they continued the almost endless movement, an un-choreographed demonstration of feline grace.

Emma was almost disappointed when she saw the dark haired woman miss a beat, hesitate and end up on the floor beneath her opponent.

Shalimar grinned down at her, then jumped as a round of applause from a nearby table alerted her to their audience.

Realising the others had sat at one of the tables and she was still stood staring, Emma moved over to join the others.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting you here. Am I late?"

"No, Adam had a few jobs for us and he said we should pick you up on the way out." Shalimar nodded, still breathing heavily from the work out.

"This is Brice." Shalimar introduced them. "She runs this place."

"Nice workout." Brennan congratulated her. "Any chance I could have a go?"

"Forget it Brennan, that was my first win in five fights. She's too good for you."

"Always the way. Anyway, we going or what?"

"Yeah, I'm coming. Will you apologise to Onca for me?" She asked Brice.

"Sure girl. And remember, we want your decision as soon as possible."

"I'm thinking on it."

As they walked out of the club Emma could feel the uncertainty that Shalimar was feeling, and it worried her because Shalimar was not an uncertain person. "Shalimar, what's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing. I was justoffered something last night and I'm not sure what to do about it."

"The solution will present itself in time. Put it to the back of your mind and you'll be amazed how simple it all becomes." Shalimar smiled.

"Thank you. I needed a sensible point of view."

"No problem."

"She's not here." Brennan called down the stairs as he and Jesse finished examining the rooms upstairs. "Adam's led us on a wild goose chase."

"Emma's checking the garden." Shalimar supplied.

"She sense something?"

"She wasn't sure. From what I can see she just abandoned whatever she was doing and ran. The back door was open."

"You think she heard us coming and panicked?"

"She was expecting us, why would she run?"

"I don't" A crashing sound interrupted Brennan as six GSA agents stormed into the house through the front door. Spotting Mutant X they were immediately ready for a fight. The six surrounded them, preparing to attack.

Two to each team member, Mutant X may have been outnumbered but their victory was almost assured. The henchmen were all human and the new mutant's powers made them superior fighters.

Three agents were on the floor when Shalimar heard it. A scream. Emma's scream. The distraction earned her a blow to the jaw that knocked her into the far wall. Righting herself she made sure that Jesse and Brennan had control of the situation she headed out of the door.

The garden was dark; the evening had set in, but to sensitive feline vision it was alive with activity. Unfortunately none of it was Emma. Following a trail out of the garden that would be invisible to any other, Shalimar ended up in front of a warehouse, empty and dilapidated, on the edge of the estate. Stepping inside she quickly spotted Emma, laid on her side in the middle of the empty space. There was no movement from her and Shalimar resisted the urge to dash to her side in favour of a more wary approach. She could be no help to Emma if she was hurt herself.

Reaching her side she quickly sought out a pulse, breathing a sigh of relief when she found one, sluggish but present. And still there was no sign of her assailant.

"Emma honey, wake up for me, OK? We need to get out of here." Getting no response to her request - and not truly expecting one - Shalimar bent to pick up the empath.

And it hit her.

Wave after wave of emotion, bitterness, hatred, guilt, each one causing her an infinite amount of pain until she screamed for release. 

As the emotions began to fade she realised that what she had felt could only be a fraction of what Emma had experienced. An overflow of the emotions she could no longer contain. As the images cleared she heard a sobbed breath that could only have been her own and pulled herself off the floor, trying to reassemble her thoughts.

"Jesse, Brennan, I need the Double Helix here. Emma's hurt, we need to get her out of here _now_." She moved the ring away from her mouth, adding 'hell, _I_ want out of here now'.

"Shalimar, What happened? Is Emma OK?"

"I don't know what happened, but I don't think Emma's OK. Just Hurry will you?"

"We're on our way."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Shalimar pushed Adam out of the way as he tried to scan her. "I'm fine Adam, honest. Nothing that an aspirin won't help. Is Emma OK?" She watched as his frown deepened. "Adam, Emma's going to be OK, isn't she?"

"Shalimar, I honestly don't know. I She"He sighed and bowed his head. "Her genetic structure is decaying at an alarming rate. She's dying, Shal, and I don't know why."

"What? ButNo! This can't happen. Not like this! There has to be something. Anything"

"Shalimar, hush. I'm working on it. But we don't know what happened to her out there. And unless she can tell us, or there's some way of finding out"

"So we go back and see what we can find." Shalimar interrupted. "There has to be some kind of clue in that warehouse. Maybe we can find"

"Shalimar. Whatever Emma experienced, you got some feedback from it. You look tired, you're acting tired. You're vulnerable like this. Let Jesse and Brennan do the research. Get some rest."

"No, Adam, I'm fine. I'll be able to" The blow to her shoulder impacted before she had even registered that Adam had turned. It wasn't a powerful blow, not meant to hurt her, only to prove a point. And that point came through loud and clear. Under normal circumstances she would have blocked the swing before he'd even thought about making it.

"Sleep Shalimar. Or join Emma in the medilab. I need you fit."

__

She was walking towards a warehouse. It was the warehouse from earlier, she realised as she approached. She was running now, hoping to reach Emma in time. Hoping that maybe, just maybe this time she could save her. She sunlight faded even as she ran and when she reached the oversized doors and swung them open she was greeted by a strange tableau. Emma was stood in the doorway, facing off the young new mutant they had been searching for that day. She was confronting Emma; her stance showing her willingness to fight but her face showed her weariness. Dark pools lay beneath her eyes and her pale skin looked sallow in the half-light. Her hair lay dank and tangled on her shoulders, holding none of the energy shown in the database photos. Suddenly she was no longer watching Emma, but stood in her place. The Mutant's mouth moved but no sound reached her, like a silent movie of olden times. The mutant took another step forward and reached out, brushing her cheek. She smiled and there was an explosion, throwing Shalimar back into one of the corners of the warehouse, buried beneath boxes that lay there. When the haze cleared she sobbed at the sight that she was confronted with. She had failed again. Emma was once again laid out on the hard cold floor, just as she had been when she had found her the first time. Still she was no closer to finding the truth.

A hand on her shoulder caused her to jump, spinning on her heel to catch hold of a wrist. When her eyes cleared she found herself in the medilab at Emma's side, holding Adam's wrist tightly as he looked on, concerned.

"Shalimar?" He asked softly. Pulling her hand away she held his gaze for a moment and fled.

She was sat quietly beside the meditating pool; not sure what had drawn her there. She knelt beside the gently rippling water, trying to find absolution in its pure movement. It was only as she heard Adam approach that she knew why she was here. This place was Emma's. Where she would come to find peace or to calm herself. And Emma would never sit in this place again.

Tears streaked her face as Adam held her, hushed her, told her they would work this out - they always had. She knew differently. Things would never be right again. The guys would find nothing in the warehouse, she had been there, seen what had happened. There was nothing to find. Emma was dying and there was nothing anyone could do to save her. There was only one question. Could she survive without her?

The grief was clear on Shalimar's face, it was as though she had already accepted Emma's death, and it worried Jesse terribly. Shalimar had never been one to take loss easily, even if it was someone she wasn't that close to. And this was Emma. Emma who no one could not like, who they had all looked after like a little sister ever since she had joined the team. Emma who would always mother them all, no matter how she was feeling. JustEmma.

Adam had called a meeting in the main hall. He was looking tired and old. The news he had could not be good. He and Brennan hadn't found anything in the warehouse, just a few scattered boxes and a lot of junk. He hated the feeling of defeat that was circling them all. There _had_ to be something else. There just had to be. Emma _couldn't_ die.

"Shalimar has given me some information that I think explains what has happened to Emma. Unfortunately it doesn't help us find anything to stop this. In fact it makes it less likely that we will find something. It all goes back to the research done at Genomex. Genetic engineering on the scale of New Mutancy destabilises the basic genetic structure. We found a certain level beyond which the structure was unable to cope with the destabilisation and it broke down, killing the patient. This would normally happen before the age of five. It rarely happens later than that. We tried for a long time, but there was nothing we could do for these children, nothing but make sure that they were comfortable in their last days and thatwhen they finally passed away there was no one around to get hurt."

"Get hurt in what way?" Brennan pushed.

"The end usually involves a release of power, related to the new mutancy of the individual. But this specific type of release includes an emission of something, we never did work out what was released that can pass on this instability. This is what we think happened to Emma. I don't know how the mutant lasted as long as she did, but Emma has picked up this instability from her when she died. Emma's cellular structure is already starting to show signs of the characteristic damage. There really is nothing I can do."

"Surely you've found something after all this time?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I've opened up all my notes; maybe there's something there that I missed then. But it's unlikely. I'm so sorry. This is one of the worst things I can imagine happening, but"

"We survive." Shalimar finished for him, looking away. "We always survive."

PS. Having some problems getting my head around the next bit. Might take a couple of days to get back to you. Tell me what you're thinking so far.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: This is a short chapter. There is a reason for this. Author is miffed because either no one is reading this (which is fair enough) or YOU AREN'T BOTHERING TO REVIEW! It's very depressing and - although I won't threaten to stop writing, I'm enjoying this too much - I really would like some feedback. If you think it's terrible TELL ME WHY! Thanks to those who have reviewed and a warning to others - the continued safety of the characters cannot be guaranteed without sufficient feedback. You have been warned!

AN+: slight reference to the imagery used in 'No man left behind', you'll recognise it if you've seen it, if you haven't it won't spoil anything

Chapter 4

Shalimar sat beside the medilab chair where Emma was laid. A soft beeping assured them of her continued survival, and for the moment that rhythmic beat was all she had. There had been no movement from Emma since she had been brought in earlier that day. Shalimar's thoughts drifted as she sat, trying desperately to find some way to accept the inevitable. They drifted to the look on Emma's face when she was concentrating, the confusion when she had first arrived in Sanctuary, the anger in Brennan's face when she had been put in danger, the pain on Jesse's when he had heard what Adam had to say The grin on the face of the new mutant as she reached out to touch her face, knowing what damage it would cause. She felt the anger at that mutant boil up within her. How could she do it? Why?

She was pulled out of her thoughts by movement from Emma. Thinking she was awakening, Shalimar was crushed as she heard the rhythmic beat falter. "Adam." She screamed, praying that this wasn't it. This couldn't be the end. She wasn't ready.

Adam appeared at her side, quickly taking over, looking over the scans and administering medication, doing everything possible to hold Emma in this world. Looking again at one set of readouts he frowned. Surely, it couldn't be

"Shalimar, listen to me. I need you too run to the kitchen for me. I need a glass of milk. Can you do that?" Baffled, Shalimar nodded and dashed out of the room. Left standing at Emma's side Adam breathed a sigh of relief when Emma's heartbeat normalised as Shalimar moved away. Sitting he placed his head in his hands. "Why Shalimar? It could have been anyone, why Shalimar?" Standing and making sure that Emma's condition remained stable, Adam headed out of the room to tell Shalimar what he had discovered.

Onca stood waiting for Shalimar at the door to the club. Rain fell hard; smashing into the ground with a violence that contrasted the dejection and defeat shown on Shalimar's face as she appeared out of the watery mists. Without a word Onca led her to her room, leaving her momentarily to get a towel for her wet hair. When she returned Shalimar had curled her self into the corner of the bed, head against the wall and she was sobbing harshly. Carefully moving into the bed beside her, Onca took her in her arms and held her tightly, rainwater mingling with salty tears on her shoulder.

"Adam?" Jesse looked around the lab door, spotting their mentor at his computer. "Adam, have you seen Shalimar?" Adam looked up from the computer.

"She's" Adam began, stopping startled as he watched a black wave approach lethargically across the room. Before he could speculate, the wave engulfed them both, washing over them in an explosion of anger, hatred, sorrow, pity, grief such darkness it stunned the mind into silence. Adam caught him self on his desk before he fell, Jesse was not so lucky, standing as he was in the middle of the room, and sank to his knees sobbing quietly.

"Jesse, get up." Adam snapped, and then winced knowing he had not snapped on purpose. The emotive wave that had hit them had thrown his emotions completely off balance. "Emma's loosing control of her powers, she's letting things free."

"That was Emma?" Jesse wheezed.

"It's just the beginning. It's going to get worse, Jesse, and it's not likely to get any better."

Adam scrubbed his eyes as he sat up and away from the computer console. The familiar twist of DNA would tell him nothing more tonight. He had sent Jesse away to rest after the experience earlier that day, but all thoughts of his own rest had fled his mind when he had seen the new set of results from Emma's DNA tests. There was something wrong somehow, he knew that, but he couldn't define what it was. Still, maybe after a little sleep If only they had more time. Emma was getting closer and closer to the edge and still there was nothing.

"Adam, Shalimar's gone, her bike and clothes" Adam looked up as Jesse entered. "Do you know where she is? Emma's Emma is not going to last much longer, she needs to be here."

"Jesse, Shalimar had to"

"She's not coming back is she, Adam?" Brennan interrupted loudly as he walked into the lab. "Not in time anyway. She ran away to hide when it got too tough for her." He sneered.

"Adam?" Jesse asked, aghast.

"Jesse, I'm sorry, but let me explain"

"No Adam, you can't apologise for her. Not this time, this is too important." And with that Jesse stormed out of the room, closely followed by Brennan, leaving Adam gaping, still trying desperately to explain.

You may have noticed Jesse and Brennan's slightly unusual behaviour during this chapter. I'd like to blame it on the emotions that are being fed off Emma, but I have to admit to it being my complete lack of brainpower after an astrophysics exam. I did have a brainstorming session with Magneto, Bespectacled Cat and Black Adder (which as a discussion was rather extraordinary in its self) as well as getting helpful suggestions from Rogue, but I gave up. I apologise for this, it is very unprofessional of me, but then I begged for feedback at the start so, what are you gonna do?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Thank you for Reviewing!

Warnings for character death and some extreme angst. Slashy implications start here, nothing explicit but it you find the concept upsetting then stop reading now.

Spoiler (ish) for Lazarus Syndrome, just a little mention - can you spot it?

Wow, more Shal? And here was I thinking people would be complaining about not enough Adam/Brennan/Jesse!

Two days now she had been away from Sanctuary, two days with nothing but a phone call to let her know that Emma was still holding on. But tonight Adam had sounded even more dejected than he had the night before. Emma was letting go, he told her. It wouldn't be much longer now.

Laying down in the small room that the pack had kept for her, Shalimar struggled to find rest. She had spent much time over the last few days getting to know the pack, helping out in the running of the club, playing with Kitten anything she could do to take her mind off things. But sleep had evaded her and she was running out of things to do. She felt her thoughts slip away as she was pulled under by a force more powerful than her self.

__

The room was wild with energy, colours moving in swirls about her head. A maelstrom buffeting her. She could feel a wooden floor beneath her bare feet but could not see it through the controlling movement. A long loose skirt brushed her ankles, blown by a purple stream. A red haze encircled her head and in all of this there were emotions, flaring left and right, jumping out at her, crawling over her skin. Pain, disgrace, loneliness, despair. Emotions drove her to her knees, tears streamed her face. "Enough." She screamed. "Enough."

And then there was calm. The clouds drifted away leaving the sunshine of relief and a hand took hers, leading her away.

She was sat by the edge of Sanctuary's meditation pool, staring into the water. Gentle hands held hers, arms encircling her, and she leant back into them, her head resting into the hollow of a shoulder. Looking up she wasn't surprised to find Emma's face. Looking out and away from her she found a writhing cloud, held back into the corners of the room as if by glass walls.

"This is what she did to you." She murmured, watching as occasional tendrils of coloured smoke made their way out into the room, only to evaporate quietly into nothing.

"Welcome to my mind." Emma replied, and Shalimar smiled to hear her voice; somehow more real in this than any image of her.

"We're loosing you Emma. What can we do?"

"Hush." A soft hand brushed her cheek, staying her as she tried to rise. "You're here Shalimar. It's perfect. Everything will be fine now."

"But" She gasped as the walls seemed to fall in, releasing the tirade of emotions that began to stalk towards them. A hand on her shoulder restrained her, stopped her from rising again.

"Stay with me, Shalimar. Don't leave me." She turned in Emma's arms, so they held each other and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I will never leave you, Emma. Never." And then it hit.

There was a moment when she wondered if she might be dead. Having joined Emma in the afterwards just through the power of her promise. There was a deep quiet, like the moment just after heavy rainfall, when the air smells new and fresh and everything is weighed down by water. She could feel Emma, still held tightly in her arms, a warmth beside her. She opened her eyes to Emma's face. The air around them was clear and sharp, ringing with emptiness. There was nothing there but them.

And then Emma started to slip. She could feel her drop away, dragged away from her by some invisible force. Emma lifted one of Shalimar's hands to her lips and laid a kiss on the knuckles, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." She called as she faded away, the connection broken leaving Shalimar so very alone. And Emma was gone.

Jesse sank quietly to the ground, tears in his eyes, as Adam drew the cloth over her head. Brennan had run from the room a moment ago, but Jesse couldn't bring himself to leave. His legs would no longer support him. Adam turned as if to say something, to offer some condolence or support, but stopped. Unable to find words to express his own anguish, he turned away. No words could soften this blow; there were no sentiments to be shared. For now all they could share was their tears for her. Their endless tears.

She was shivering; tears streaked her face and a void where her heart used to be ached terribly. A light appeared at her door, framing a figure in silhouette. "Shalimar?" Onca's voice asked softly. "The pack would have you join us, if not for good then just for tonight. We would not let you stay alone this night."

Dus offered a small smile as Shalimar appeared at the doorway and gestured to a space already occupied by a blanket and pillow. Nodding in acceptance, Shalimar moved into the space, curling up with the blanket.

"Sleep well, Shalimar." Dus said. "Tonight the pack will watch over you. Tomorrow is the day to think and respect." Shalimar offered a small smile in response.

"Thank you Dus."

Closing her eyes and trying to ignore the sense of people watching her, she nearly jumped into the air when a cold nose and warm hands touched her back. Looking over her shoulder she found Kitten, bundled up in a Garfield T-shirt, arms round her waist and cold nose buried in her back. The young blond looked up and blinked owlishly at her as she turned. "Sorry, my nose is cold." She whispered, before returning to her previous position. Smiling now, Shalimar merely nodded and returned her head to the pillow.

It was almost two hours later and still Shalimar wasn't asleep. The warm bundle at her back breathed slowly and deeply, sleeping soundly. In the quiet she couldn't help but let her mind drift towards thoughts she'd been trying to avoid. Thoughts of Emma.

__

She thought of the first time they had met, Emma's fear, anger, confusion. The fire that had burned in her eyes. And what eyes

The spite in her voice when she had spit that word. 'Freak'. Her understanding and acceptance; shown in those eyes, so open and readable. She thought of the time that they had spent fighting for Mutant X, for their own freedom and safety, and for others. Her empathy, a smile in dark times, a gentle touch when contact is needed. Her tears when they were too late, too slow, too weak to save the day.

Her heart quaked as she thought of the paleness of her face, as she lay there, no breath stirring her body. And the chaos of thoughts that had filled those eyes as the feral had sobbed and thanked the gods for the life returned to her. And those eyes

Those eyes sparkling with excitement, wonder, laughter. Those eyes filled with fear or worry, though so rarely for her self. Those eyes that could harden in times of need, the only side to the child's face that showed the pain in her life. The eyes that revealed her innermost thoughts or desires. Those eyes suggesting something more, a something that had never happened, her own weakness to blame.

The eyes that had met hers over the water of Sanctuary, another's thoughts and emotions whirling around them, the eyes that told her the end was soon to come.

She was unaware of the concerned faces that watched her, soft words that soothed her, the warm presence at her side, rocking her gently. She stood up and away like a puppet drawn on strings, feeling weak, not sure whether or not the world could support her without Emma's presence. Silent tears spoke nothing of the screaming that she could hear inside.

A hand at the small of her back supported her, another rested on her shoulder, and a third wiped the tears from her face. Looking up she found her pack, her friends. The expected nothing from her yet offered all they could. She was home.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Right. Have to admit. I am REALLY terrible at writing for Jesse and Brennan. Jesse isn't quite as bad as Brennan but still, it's not good. (I'm not even going to mention Adam) This is an APPOLOGY. You won't get them often, enjoy it. I had someone tell me the other day that this story didn't have a baddie. Brennan got elected for this chapter. Any oddities in their characters, you can blame it on the fact their best friend just died.

Thanks for reviews!

On with the show

Chapter 6

"Jesse." Adam spoke softly from the doorway of Emma's bedroom. Jesse was sat beside Emma's bed, his face pale and his eyes reddened. He didn't respond to his name, but Adam knew that he had heard. "Jesse I need you to go and find Shalimar. I have an address. She she needs to come back to us now. This won't be easy for her. She was very close to Emma." Adam could feel a lump rising in his throat even at the mention of her name. How could the team have gotten so close in so short a time? Emma and Brennan had hardly been with them for a year and Emma's death had hit them all so much harder than he had ever expected. Especially Shalimar, he thought. The memory of the phone call that had taken place shortly after Emma's death was fresh in his mind. He had been surprised to hear that Emma had made a connection with Shalimar across the distance and saddened to hear the pain in Shalimar's voice. He knew she would have done anything for the Empath, she would have given her own life if it would have helped. And Emma would have done the same in return.

Now they needed to start rebuilding, to take courage in the thought that there were still New Mutants out there who needed them. All of them.

"Why Adam? Why did she leave us? Why did she leave Emma?" Adam looked up, registering Jesse's presence before he thought of the words that had been spoken.

"Because I made her. Because I thought it was for the best." He gave a wry smile full of pain. "Wouldn't be the first mistake I've made, would it?" And with that he turned away and headed for his lab. Maybe in his work he could find solace from the guilt that burned now ever brighter in his mind.

Dus lead Jesse to the concealed ladder in one of the store rooms. "We have made sure that someone has stayed with her at all times, should she need someone to talk to or to seek reassurance from. But she has not spoken since she received the phone call from Adam. I worry for her terribly. Such behaviour is not good for a person, her soul or her sanity."

Jesse's first impression of the room he was shown was that it was like a litter of puppies, very large puppies, all asleep and wrapped up in each other in one big pile in the middle of the room. There were at least twenty ferals in the room, several of whom he recognised, either from his missions with Mutant X or from the rescue that Shalimar had pulled off when the feral virus had been around. Searching the pile for that familiar mane of wild blond hair he struggled to distinguish between individuals, a sea of limbs and the dull half-light making identification difficult. Finally he spotted her, caught tightly in the embrace of another feral, cheeks visibly reddened by tears. Another feral covered her other side and a young child lay by her legs. She looked so peaceful that Jesse loathed disturbing her. Gently he knelt by her side, tucking a stay loop of hair behind her ear and smiling as it refused to stay restrained, immediately tumbling back onto her face. Just as he thought he might leave her in peace, she looked up at him.

"Jesse?" She asked uncertainly, as though she wasn't completely sure he was real.

"Hey Shalimar. I came to talk to you." He whispered in reply, noting with a little surprise that whatever anger he had harboured at Shalimar, for abandoning Emma, had faded away with the utterance of his name.

Shalimar glanced around, only now noticing the people surrounding her, offering their comfort. "Downstairs, I'll see you in a minute."

"I know she's gone Jesse, if that's what you're here to tell me."

"Why did you leave, Shal? What happened?" Shalimar sighed tiredly and collapsed gracefully into a nearby chair.

"As As Emma died her barriers, the ones that keep everyone else's emotions on the outside and hers on the inside, they started to collapse in on her. Somehow — Adam said it was something to do with the whole destabilisation thing that was going on in her DNA — she connected with me, to try and get back some control, for some support, and all I could think about was my own pain. I was hurting her mentally and she couldn't move away, couldn't let go of the connection. I couldn't control my own emotions so the only thing I could do was to make sure that I was somewhere where I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't stand to cause her pain not so close to the end." Jesse nodded, everything made more sense now. This was the past, though, and now they would have to look to the future.

"So when are you coming back to us. You need to explain to Brennan. He won't let Adam talk to him."

I don't think I can go back Jesse, to the way things were before. Just to carry on. There's nothing there for me now. I'm I'm thinking of joining the pack for good."

"You want to leave us _now_?"

"There were reasons before, reasons for staying. When I first met Adam I wanted to prove something, prove I was worth something, prove I could belong. Then you came along and all I wanted to do was to show you the same things. When Emma and Brennan joined Mutant X there was nowhere I would rather have been. We were We were a family. I can't do it without her, Jesse, There's nothing there for me anymore." Jesse looked up, realisation dawning.

"You loved her, didn't you. Different to how we loved her."

"How could you know that?"

"You're so transparent, Shalimar. And I've known you longer than anyone, except perhaps Adam. You can't pretend for me, not anymore."

"I wasn't sure you'd understand."

"Before now, I'm not sure I would have."

"We both knew, Jesse. We both knew and nothing ever happened, we never took it anywhere. We never did anything and now now we never will."

"Why didn't you do anything about it? Why didn't it go further?"

"I was too scared. We had such a wonderful friendship; I never wanted to loose that on the chance that something might go wrong. I didn't want to risk her refusal." Shalimar laughed, her voice rough and full of self-loathing. "I know now that she would never have said no, I just I never thought it through; I always jumped to too many conclusions. I was a coward because I couldn't say what needed to be said. I walked away every time we brushed the edge. And now it's too late."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Jesse." Brennan greeted, looking around the Helix bay. "Why isn't Shalimar with you?"

"She might not be coming back, Brennan."

"Not coming back? What are you talking about, Jesse. What's going on?"

"She might stay with the pack, she's planning on leaving Mutant X."

"She can't! She can't be that selfish." Jesse was startled by the aggression in Brennan's voice. 

"Drop it, Brennan. It's her choice." He retorted. Fuming, Brennan stormed off, leaving Jesse staring after him, bemused.

"Don't worry about him." Jesse looked round as Adam appeared in one of the other doorways. "It's just his way of handling his pain. He'll calm down eventually. When he does, do you think you could go and explain? He needs to know why she left or he'll never forgive her." Nodding, Jesse turned, looking down the hall after Brennan.

"Sure." Jesse frowned as he thought what this all might mean for them. He had been worried about Shalimar, but hadn't thought about what it could mean for Mutant X. Life without Emma or Shalimar. They'd still see Shalimar, of course, but who could ever replace them on the team?

Brennan shifted up another gear and took the car another couple of kilometres per hour over the speed limit. The rush of air felt good, the soft Gs he was pulling around the bends went someway towards soothing the sickness he felt in his stomach. He had failed her, failed Emma. They all had. But Shalimar most of all. There was no excuse for what she had done, none what so ever. And he would tell her exactly that. Decision made, he span the car lightly round 360° and headed back towards the club.

She was sat at a table when he walked in, facing a young girl. Between them was a Draughts board; half way through a game. Shalimar's face wore a frown and the child's a jubilant grin and, looking over Shalimar's shoulder Brennan could see that Shalimar was loosing terribly. Taking a fourth piece into 'king' status, and knocking out Shalimar's last piece as she did it, the girl looked up at Brennan curiously.

"OK." Shalimar spoke. "You win. Head into the hall and I'll teach you some moves." The girl whooped and dashed out of the large door at the far end of the room. Brennan thought for a moment that Shalimar might leave too, not having noticed him or ignoring him purposefully, but once the girl had left the room she turned to him.

"What do you want Brennan?" She asked, curious, but not angry at his presence as he had expected.

"I want to ask why you did it."

"Did what?"

"Abandoned her." She winced and turned away from him.

"I have talked to Jesse about it, Brennan, and Adam already knows. I'm tired of this, please don't make me go through it again. I've had enough."

"You abandoned her then and you're abandoning us now." He told her retreating form as she headed towards the door Kitten had taken. "I thought I knew you Shalimar. I thought you were strong. I guess none of us really knew you, Emma least of all." She looked back at him and the eyes he looked into were not those of his friend - soft and always part way to a grin, eyes that could find the fun, or the adrenaline rush, in any situation. They weren't even the golden eyes of the feral, animalistic and slightly threatening, but still warm. The eyes he stared into were hard and cold. Something in that glance made him take a step back.

The blow that came was completely unexpected, knocking him to the ground. Immediately she was at his side, lifting him from where he lay, bringing her face into his.

"You think I left her because I WANTED TO? It tore me apart, Brennan. Leaving Emma killed me inside. I love her" She stammered at her own unexpected admission. All traces of anger flowing out of her voice, as though she no longer had the energy to fight him. "I loved her and Adam asked me to walk away as she died. I did it to help her, Brennan. To at least make her last days comfortable." She wasn't shouting any more, her voice trailing away into a whisper. Everything she had was gone, there was nothing anymore but the movement of the clock hands. Letting go of Brennan's shirt she let him drop back to the floor, turning slowly to follow Kitten out into the main hall.

As she walked away Brennan reached after her. "I'm sorry." He called out. "I never knew." She stopped in the doorway and turned back to him.

"Now you know." She spoke softly, offering a sad smile. They had both lost someone this day. "The pack would like to offer a replacement for me, temporary or permanent, they don't mind. The world needs the team, Brennan. The world needs Mutant X. I just can't do that anymore."

"What if we said we couldn't do it without you?"

"You'd be lying." She stated firmly. "Everyone's replaceable, Brennan. Everybody." And with that, she walked out, closing the door firmly behind her.

Sorry this is so depressing. I really am. It might get better, or it might not. Oh and manticore gurl - you think I'm gonna tell you _that_!


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry to any one who read this chapter before this update, I got over excited and posted before it was ready. Realised that Fel couldn't be canine because Fel is short for Felis (a genus of the felidae family (cats) which includes the lynx and several other gorgeous felines). I had intended to introduce Mikil and Dahy to the story line a while ago, but never got around to it. They have appeared before now, the blond in fatigues and the dark haired man who found Thomas in the Beast does not control me, but they were never properly introduced.

Chapter 7

Shalimar breathed in deeply as she prepared herself for the well practised routine. Her movements, as they began, were slow and measured. Careful, though the movements themselves were made to do harm. She went through the calming motions seeking the centre of her thoughts. Hoping for clarity, or at least a moment's peace from her emotions.

She remembered the first time she had shown the meditative Kata to the empath. How surprised and pleased she had been to see how quickly Emma had picked up the technique. A born perfectionist, the shifting of her physical and mental form was second nature to her and soon she had it mastered. They had often practised together after that. And in this so often were the borders of their relationship touched upon. The beauty in everything that was that woman's body had often drawn Shalimar to her across the dojo, a move ending with them so close an intake of breath would have taken them over the edge. Into uncharted territory.

But always would she pull away, turn, run.

Shalimar dropped carefully posed arms to her side and sank into a cross-legged position on the floor, her head in her hands. She couldn't keep doing this. In every moment of every day there was a memory that brought her back.

"Well that was a dramatic ending to a beautiful performance." She turned to find Mikil, a canine feral she had come to know well over the last couple of days, stood in the doorway behind her.

"Mikil. How was your first day?" Shalimar asked, getting up. The blond canine feral sank, sighing deeply, into one of the sofa chairs.

"Tiring, and a little irritating."

"Irritating?"

"Are your guys always that communicative? I mean, apart from when we went out to the safe houses - which I'll admit was fun - all Jesse did was mess on the computer, Adam barely peaked from his lab and Brennan hid himself away somewhere. God knows where, I certainly couldn't find him."

"Yeah, well, it's not all non-stop action, but if you can drag Jesse away from his research long enough to show you how the holographic systems work you can always work out while you're waiting." Mikil smiled at Shalimar's suggestion.

"I have a new respect for you patience. But they're never going to accept me as a replacement for you Shalimar. The space you've left is a hard one to fill."

"Well at the moment you're trying to fill enough space for two of us, remember. Until they decide on a replacement for Emma things are going to be hard on all of you."

"Didn't you and Jesse used to run things on your own?" Both ferals looked up as Mikil's young feline fiancé, Dahy entered the room, seating himself gracefully beside Mikil on the chair.

"How do you know so much about Mutant X history?"

"There are people in the Pack that remember the days when it was just you two, not so long ago. You've had a huge impact on the Pack's life, many of the Pack owe you their lives."

"Yes, it did used to be just the two of us, but the mutant underground was small then. Adam was only starting to set things up. We decided we needed one more person when things started to get too much for us to handle on our own. We chose Emma because of her abilities and because they hadn't taken over control of her. So many psionics hide away from everyone else because they can't handle the amount of information they get when they're out there in the wide world. But Emma was out there taking full advantage of her powers and it wasn't affecting her at all. Something in the way Adam presented her case to us made it sound like he'd been watching her for a while, seeing where her powers took her. We were worried for a while she might not join our cause, but she did, and Brennan along with her. And Adam was so proud." Dahy frowned at Shalimar's bitter laugh.

"You know there's nothing any of you could have done, don't you?" Mikil asked, softly. "I've been completely briefed on it all and there really isn't anything any of you could have done. I'm not even sure I would have been able to track her in the dark."

"That's because you're a canine." Dahy butted in. "You're tracking skills are limited to the day, just as ours are better in the night."

"I'll try not to take offence. After you all, you are a feline." Dahy smiled as Shalimar's features relaxed into a smile and she started to laugh. "Girl, you have to smile more. You're gorgeous when you're not frowning." Mikil stopped laughing as Shalimar did, abruptly. Had she said the wrong thing? Shalimar had gone completely tense, not moving a muscle. Waving a hand in front of her eyes Shalimar didn't blink.

"Shalimar, talk to me. What's going on? Are you OK?" Nothing. Jumping from his seat, Dahy ran to fetch Onça as Mikil continued to try and stir Shalimar.

__

There in the distance, someone was screaming. Screaming for her to hear, for there was no one else here. No one at all. She was so lonely. So afraid. There was pain and burning. And something there in the distance. A face. A face she knew so very well. "EMMA." She called out. "SHALIMAR" She called back. She was out there. She was alive. "I'M COMING!"


	8. Chapter 8

If you haven't read the **updated** Chapter 7 please do so! You need that information for future chapters. This chapter is a little confused, this is because it was written during the wee hours of the morning after an attack of insomnia. The weather described might be a bit off, but hey, I live in Britain. It's winter and yesterday we had a day that wouldn't have looked strange mid-summer. Today it's a day for ducks. Tomorrow they're predicting gale force winds. Go figure.

Chapter 8

Shalimar opened her eyes to Onca's worried face.

"Shalimar?"

"I have to go talk to Adam." She answered breathlessly.

The sun seemed hotter than usual today, although, Shalimar reminded herself, she hadn't been out for the last couple of days. Perhaps summer had finally set in after the long wet spring they had been having. The warmth on her skin seemed strange in light of the last week. Like the sun shouldn't burn as brightly without her. It was a day that demanded picnics and relaxing in the sun. So many days like this they would miss She blinked in the sunlight for a minute as her eyes adjusted and then set of for Sanctuary. Something told her this reunion would not be the best.

Stopping in front of a small electronic panel hidden in the grass, Shalimar entered a code and watched as the invisible door slid to one side. She smiled as the door squeaked predictably through those last couple of centimetres, putting her teeth on edge. Nothing had changed. Somehow she had expected it all to be different.

She pulled her bike up carefully beside the Mustang in Sanctuary's garage. Running one finger along the bonnet of the beautiful car, she made her way into Sanctuary's main hall. There were so many ways in which she missed this place. There were memories in ever corner.

Walking into Sanctuary she found Brennan sparing on the dojo. Jesse was completely involved in something on the computer. She looked for the familiar form sat by the meditating pool and had to reprimand herself. Emma wasn't sat there.

Knowing where Adam would be she didn't bother disturbing the guys. Heading into the lab she stood quietly at the door and watched for a moment. Adam was manipulating a molecule on the computer screen, the traditional double-helix shape span slowly in one corner. Obviously satisfied with what he saw, he turned to pull a disk out of the slot, jumping as he saw Shalimar in the doorway.

"Oh, Shalimar. I'm going to" He did a double take. "Shalimar. You're here! What are you doing here?" He looked tired, she noted. Tired and old. He was slouching a little more than usual and generally he didn't look well at all. Impulsively she hugged him, truly startled by his appearance.

"When was the last time you went out into the sun?" He smiled.

"I honestly can't remember."

"Come with me."

"But" He gestured at his work.

"It'll wait. Come."

She sat on the grass, breathing in the air. Everything smelt of Summer. She smiled at Adam as he collapsed onto the grass beside her.

"Shalimar. What are we doing here?"

"You're getting some sun." He chuckled.

"Any other reasons?" She sighed.

"Something freaked me out today and I wanted to see you. Being out here makes me feel a little safer."

"OK. I'm listening when you're ready."

"I had I had a nightmare, but not. I just phased out on everyone. I I came out of it convinced Emma was alive. It was like she'd tried to connect with me."

"Shalimar you know"

"Yes, yes. I know Emma's dead. I know that, but Adam it was so real. It was like I was receiving emotions. But so mixed up. Lonely and confused and tired. So tired. I felt like energy was being drained straight out of me."

"What do you want me to say, Shalimar?" Adam asked softly as she stopped.

"Tell me Emma isn't really dead. Or the person you saw die wasn't Emma. Tell me Emma's out there somewhere trying to make contact. Trying to find us."

"I can't do that Shalimar. I'm sorry."

"Let me see her?"

"Of course. I would never have stopped you doing that."

"Thanks Adam."

"Can we go back to Sanctuary now, or do we stay out here. I have to admit, I'm quite enjoying the sun."

"You have to stop working so hard, you know. You don't have Emma or I around anymore to drag you out of your lab."

"It's going to be different without you, Shalimar. This whole thing, Mutant X, the Underground. It all started with you."

"I know Adam. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not asking for apologies. I understand why you want to leave. I just wanted you to know how much we're going to miss you being around."

She had only been in this room once before, after Richard's death. It was a cold room, with bright white walls, fluorescent lights and a complete lack of smell. Even the thought of this room made her cringe. And now she was headed back into this hated place.

Emma was laid there, a plain white sheet covering her. Shalimar hesitated at the door, unsure. Why was she doing this? What was there to gain? Why couldn't she take the other's word? Surely their own grief was proof enough. Stepping up to the table she drew back the sheet.

She was so pale

Shalimar had to turn away as a wave of grief threatened to take her to her knees. Sobs, harshly restrained, quickly became deep breaths as she brought her emotions back under control.

Turning back she brushed a stray hair off of Emma's face, wondering absently if it was the unusual light that made her hair look darker or if it had been dyed again. She hoped it was the former as she would have hated to miss the latter.

Again she questioned why she was here. It was foolish. Emma was dead, and this was plain torture.

Lifting Emma's hand from her side she brushed her lips gently across the knuckles, her own private goodbye. Setting it back and replacing the sheet she moved to leave. Stopping, she frowned. There was something niggling at her, just out of reach. Sighing, she reached out to open the door. Then it hit her. The ring. The some ring all of them wore and that was there on her own finger. The ring encoded to their own DNA that they tried never to take off.

Emma wasn't wearing hers.

"Adam," she spoke into her own ring. "Did you take off Emma's comm. ring?"

"No, Shalimar. Why?" Ignoring his question, Shalimar continued.

"Jesse, track Emma's comm. ring."

"Why Shalimar? Surely it's"

"Please Jesse? I have a hunch."

"Sure, OK. Give me a sec." There was a moment's silence and Shalimar started walking towards the main hall. She was running by the time she reached the door and she reached the huge open space in time to see all of the colour drain from Jesse's face. He looked up as she entered.

"Shalimar? What the hell is going on?"

"What have you got?"

"Emma's comm. ring is active, so she must be wearing it, right? But its locator is in the house where we were originally supposed to pick up that New Mutant, the other day."

"Sarah." Adam supplied, walking down the stairs and joining Jesse at the console, Brennan close behind.

"That's the one." Jesse confirmed.

"How's that possible? Emma's" Brennan gestured to the corridor Shalimar had just left.

"Adam" Shalimar began.

"Take the double helix." He pre-empted her question. "Jesse and Brennan go with her. If she's out there, bring her back." Shalimar nodded her thanks and was out of the door; Jesse and Brennan hot on her heels. "Good luck." Adam called after them.


	9. Chapter 9

Apologies for the intense info blast in this chapter! Things are wrapping up.

Chapter 9

The hinges on the door were loose, swinging to one side as Shalimar pushed into the house. It looked the same as it had the last time they were here, clean and undisturbed. But this time there was someone here. A frightened face appeared in the door to the kitchen. Sarah, the mutant they had thought was dead, scampered into the hall beckoning them in.

"You could have knocked, y'know."

"Where is she?" Shalimar asked gruffly.

"She's upstairs. She was asleep last time I checked, don't disturb her, she needs her rest." Shalimar was away up the stairs before she had finished speaking. Standing on the landing she stood silent a moment, listening. When she was sure, she moved towards one of the doors. It was dark inside, heavy curtains drawn over the windows to block out the light. Taking a deep breath and preparing herself for disappointment, Shalimar stepped into the room.

"I found her. She was ill because of him, just like I had been, but she was worse. Figured he must have gotten worse too. So I"

"Brennan, Jesse." Shalimar interrupted. "Lets go, bring her with us. Maybe she can explain what's going on here." They both looked up and gaped at what they saw. Shalimar was coming down the stairs carrying Emma.

Emma, breathing deeply and steadily and, though asleep, very much alive.

They were all stood beside her, unable to give up the physical reassurance touch gave them. Not truly able to believe that she was really here, alive and safe in Sanctuary. Even Adam couldn't stop smiling. But it was time for answers and it seemed there was only one person who could give them.

"I am the real Sarah. That whatever he was, was some kind of New Mutant. I say he, but I don't know for sure if that was true. He couldn't remember who he was originally. He's always been someone else, as far back as he could remember. We spent a lot of time talking about him before he left. He wanted me to tell you about him in case he wasn't successful. What he did was take a genetic sample and convert his own DNA to copy it. He hid the small amount of his original DNA that survives the process in the junk DNA of the other person. Somehow his own personality survived each time. He had some kind of illness, an instability in his DNA, and when he took someone else's form he made some kind of link with them that meant they got ill as well, but he could keep the instability from killing him for a little longer. There's an explosion when he changes form that's not supposed to happen and he said it was because of this instability. When he first copied me it wasn't too bad, but it got worse the longer he looked like me. He had to keep changing people to stop this illness killing him, the worse he got the less time he could spend in any one form. He was looking for a way to get into Mutant X for help; he was looking for someone called Doctor Kane. After he had changed into another form I got better, I wasn't ill anymore. I found Emma a couple of days later and realised he'd taken on her form and she was ill like I had been. I could tell it was really bad when he didn't leave her after a couple of days like he said he would. I figured he'd got too ill to change. I kept her at home and looked after her. I only hoped she wouldn't die because he'd said that when he died he'd take who ever he was connected to with him. That was his worst fear. Killing someone when he died. I think he was ready to die, he'd been ill for so long. But he couldn't without hurting someone else.

"He wasn't a bad person, you should know that. He didn't mean to hurt your friend. He was just trying to stay alive long enough to get help. I thought he'd been fixed when I saw she was getting better. I thought he'd sent you to help her. At least he got what he wanted. He died and no one else got hurt in the process, right? I mean, Emma's going to be OK?"

"Yes, Emma's going to be fine. She'll be up and about in no time, thanks to you, I'm sure. We all owe you our thanks for looking after her."

Shalimar sat silently at Emma's side as Adam prepared Sarah for her transfer to the underground, as had originally been planned. Brennan squeezed her shoulder as he left to drive Sarah to the Safe house and Jesse just smiled.

Adam appeared at her side, after Jesse and Brennan had left with Sarah.

"You realise it was your connection with her that saved her."

"I wasn't sure."

"I am. There's no other way she could have survived what she did. You kept her tied down, here in this world."

"Are you sure she's going to be OK?"

"She's going to be fine. Everything's fine now."

"Yeah." She agreed, nodding slowly, a smile finally dawning. "Yeah, everything's going to be just fine."


	10. Epilogue

Epilogue

__

"I'm walking the plank, edging out, see the drop

If I take a new step will you follow or stop?

I look back from the ocean beneath to your eyes

Are we in it together now?

If you've got any doubt I'll cast them out

I feel you close around me, I'm living for two

And why I'm laughing I'll remember for you."

The Whitlams' "Fall for you" resounded through the Lion's Paw's dance floor as the last notes died away. Onca appeared once again at the stage in the corner. Shalimar made her way over to sit beside Emma, grinning widely at her.

"Good evening. Firstly Brice would like to warn everyone that two private parties in a month is stretching it a little." Laughter echoed around the large room. "Secondly there are a couple of announcements to be made. Cane will be joining the pack today. As of tonight he is one of us and will be treated as such." A ripple of approval ranged the hall. "Shalimar will not be joining the pack, though she hopes to spend much time with us." Another ripple, of regret this time. "As to our lovebirds, Mikil and Dahy, a date has been set for a wedding but they won't tell us what it is yet. They would also like to announce something." Grinning, Onca bowed grandly to the couple who jumped onto the stage together.

"Most of you know I spent a little time this month serving with Mutant X." Mikil started. "Unfortunately, my plan of joining Mutant X in Shalimar's place has been abandoned. Shalimar has been forced back into her place on Mutant X. For the most part, this is because I'm pregnant." There was a moment's shocked silence. Suddenly they seemed to realise what had been said and everyone cheered loudly. Dahy stepped forward.

"A date has been set for our wedding and we hope you'll all attend!" He added and they both leapt off the stage.

Jesse looked around to talk to Emma and Shalimar only to find them missing. Asking a tall blond feral if she'd seen them he was pointed in the direction of a small door labelled 'private'. Looking around to make sure he wouldn't get told off for trespassing, he stepped inside wondering why they had disappeared. 

"So this is where you've been hide" Jesse blinked, slowly. His brain processed the sight and then the thought. "I'm going to go now." He turned around and quick-marched out of the storeroom.

Emma and Shalimar didn't even notice him go.

__

"Broad horizon as I walk from your embrace

What I feel is nothing but the taste of you

I get buried in your mouth

I fall in, I don't care if I can't climb out

Look at the moon but I see only you"

They say that death is not the end, merely the beginning. So what is life? Think of it as your prologue. And dream of things to come.

The song (both parts) is "Falling for you" by the Whitlams. Don't ask me how Lion's Paw got hold of the Whitlams, maybe they have Australian ferals.


End file.
